Down, drained and tired

3 words say it all.

I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. I'm lost. I feel pathetic.

Very pathetic and pitiful.

I had been trying to show to the world, to everyone that I am not weak.

You know me?

Oh yea.... you know how long have I cried and suffered inside while putting a smile on the outside?

I had been trying to show to the world, to everyone that... Hey, I don't mind if you compare me with someone else or criticize me.

Well, if you know. I do have emotions. Just trying to hide it all behind that smile plastered on my face.

You know what, when I see myself not being the favorite and was disliked and oppressed, or when I'm ignored as if I do not have a place even at the corner of their eyes, or when whatever I say or I do does not really matters, or when.... it makes no difference when I'm present or not, or when I see myself not competent compared to others, or when no matter how hard I tried I still fail....... or when I start to doubt.... if everything was worth it investing in me.

I hid it all behind that pathetic smile of mine and said to myself, " It doesn't matters..."

Yea yea.... I'm alright okay... I'm alright